"Break Down the Bully Wall"

I've extended this post for one more week!

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Jake will never forget his ninth grade year. Nobody ever paid attention to Jake until a skinny little kid named Paul started coming to his school. That year Jake learned a very valuable lesson about bullying. Click on "Jake's Letter" and take a few minutes to read about his experience. (Trust me...you'll want to read this.) 

This week's post is titled "Break Down the Bully Wall". Why is there a bully wall? Because we've allowed it to be built. Too many of us stand by and do nothing. Too many of us think that it's not our problem and we shouldn't get involved. Watch the following video and see what you think...

If the video doesn't play, click on the following link and then return to this page... 

http://youtu.be/wY7Gvq0P4hc

It only takes ONE to make a change. It only took ONE student stepping forward and then others joined him. It only took ONE student with the COURAGE to make a difference. That's right...COURAGE! How much do you have?

I will end this week's post with Jake's words..."I walked home that day trying my best not to think about what I could not forget...The older I get, the more I am convinced that the real loser in the ninth grade was me."

QUESTION SEVEN:  What is one thing that YOU can do to break down the bully wall? What is one thing that you WILL do? 



"...Words That Heal"

There's an activity I like to do when I talk about bullying. I start by showing a dinner plate. I then wrap the dinner plate in a bath towel and place it in the middle of the group. One student is invited to go the towel wrapped plate and say a negative comment or put-down. That student then takes a hammer and hits the towel. One by one, students continue to come to the towel wrapped plate, say a put down, and then hit it with a hammer.

Once we're done, we take a look at what is in front of us. We see a towel and it still looks like a towel...no difference. As we open the towel, however, the damage is discovered. The plate that was once whole is now in pieces.
 
Can the plate be put back together? Well, if someone sat down with a lot of time they may be able to glue it back together again...but it will never be the same. There will be "scars" that never go away.

This is what bullying does and this is what the "Wounded Spirit" is all about. It breaks a person on the inside and once broken it can take a long time to put everything back together again. Then, you have to deal with the scars. I'm an adult, and I can still remember the teasing that I endured. Frank Peretti says he can still remember the faces.

I had a girl just last week tell me that bullying wouldn't bother her because "words don't hurt". Many of us try to live that way. We put on a brave face and try to show the world we're not "broken" inside. Unfortunately, words do hurt and it's time to stop pretending. 

Are you "breaking the plate" of someone? Know that you are changing that person forever...they will never be the same. Find someone to help you learn to put plates back together again. You are not a bad person ...you're simply making a bad decision. 

Are you "broken"? Find someone to help you put your "plate" back together. YOU ARE WORTH IT! (no matter who you are or what you've done)


QUESTION SIX:  In what ways are "plates broken" at our school? In what ways can we put those plates back together again?
 

"Words That Hurt..."

Last week I spoke to the victims...this week I want to address the bully. (Everyone needs to read this, though. I think, if we were honest, we've all been a bully at some point in our lives.)

The words we say will do one of two things. First, they will build another person up and encourage them...OR...Second, they will tear that person down and wound them. That's what bullies do. Bullies tear people down. Is that what you want to be known for? Do you want to be known for the fact that you changed another person's future...for the worse? 

...that, because of your actions, another person will never become what they were supposed to become because they lost confidence?  

...that, because of your actions, another person will never experience the relationships they were supposed to because they didn't think they were worth it? 

...that, because of your actions, another person will never be? 

Is that what you want to be known for? Imagine for a moment that someone took a recorder and recorded your words. Would you be proud of the playback?  Take a moment and click on "Edgar's Story" and read about his experience.

I don't know why you bully. Maybe you're popular and you think it makes you cooler. Maybe you were bullied and now you feel you deserve to make someone else miserable. I don't care what the reason is...THIS STUFF HURTS!

It's time to stop. What do you want to be known for? It's not too late to change and to use your energy for something better. Be remembered because you made a difference!

QUESTION FIVE:  Why do bullies bully?
 

Fight the Power!

So, what is a "real" solution to this bully problem? Well, it takes one word...COMMITMENT! I'll tell you how it's done in three steps...

First, "Accept your imperfections. You are not alone." Confession time...I am NOT perfect! I make mistakes on a daily basis and you do to. That's okay...you're human. I also know that there are parts of my physical appearance that are not "perfect".  No one is! If you look deep enough, you will find a flaw with everyone. (If you disagree with me...come see me and we'll talk.  I'll recant my statement if you can prove me wrong.)  Step one, COMMIT to knowing you are worthwhile just the way you are! KNOW YOUR WORTH!

Second, "Refuse to wear the label that defines you according to your physical or social imperfection." Hey guys and gals, bullies give you labels and if you accept that label the bully wins and will continue their torment.  So, don't let the bully win! Take off that "sticky label", refuse to let your imperfection define you, and let the things you're good at define who you are. Show the bullies that while they see your imperfection as a target, you know it's nothing you have control over and it's not going to affect the person that you are.  Step two, COMMIT to not believing the labels!  Yes, it is YOUR choice!

Third...THE MOST IMPORTANT...decide "that you are not going to put up with it anymore." How? COMMIT TO IT in three steps...hang in there, this is important...

"First, seek help." Find someone who cares and will listen, and don't expect that the first person will be the solution. You may have to approach several people before you find THE ONE, but don't give up. Frank Peretti didn't give up and he finally found a teacher that made all the difference...after several who didn't. 

"Second, tell your story." Write it, record it, share it...get it off your chest so that you don't have to fight the battle yourself.  Frank Peretti couldn't share his experience verbally with his teacher, so he wrote a letter.  

"Third, confront the people who are hurting you."  OK...OK...I know..."there is a right time and place for this." Let your trusted adult help you when the time is right. The bully needs to see you as a "real person" and not a target for abuse. The bully needs to know how his/her attacks have affected you.  

Step three, COMMIT to not putting up with it. Who knows? Maybe you'll be THE ONE to save someone else from the torment of this bully.

Okay, that was a long one, but my hope is that students suffering, and those who are not, will COMMIT to changing lives for the better. My commitment to you...I will be that adult for you! If you don't know anyone else to talk to...or maybe you've tried and tried and no one seems to help...come find me.  Let's make a difference!

QUESTION FOUR:  What do you think? Will this change your life or the life of someone you know?
(Quotes taken from pages 28-30 in The Wounded Spirit Leader's Guide.)